Winter blues...

Robby and I have always been the nutty couple that LOVE winter. We often chat excitedly about the weather forecasts with snowflakes dancing in our eyes. The lower the temperature drops the more giddy we get. Maybe this illusion has gathered steam through the years because the last two years the winter's our weather here in Oklahoma has been disappointing at best. While my family in Kansas would get snow almost regularly, even our forecast of a dusting would fizzle out. This winter though has been promising since early fall. We have snow a handful of times, and even had a white Christmas. Along with this wonderful winter weather came an unwelcome friend though. Illness. I have been sick more times this year than I have in the past five years! I remember being so miserable with a tummy bug over halloween that we have to leave the party early. I started a dreadful cold the weds before christmas and I am JUST now getting over it (24 days later).Usually while I am still on prenatals I am almost invincible...this year nothing can win against these nasty flu bugs. And don't even get me started on the kids. Jade has 6 colds...she's only 7 months old! I feel like we can't hardly get over one cold before Bobby takes turn and I have one child sick at all times.

What this has all added up to...winter blues. The exhaustion of taking care of sick children while my energy is low myself from being under the weather, all of us being tucked in the house nonstop to avoid getting out in the cold, the lull of after-Christmas letdown...its a recipe for disaster. Add in Jaden's teething and we are near a crisis. Thankfully though, the weather gave us a break this weekend. We were able get outside and play a bit, my sister came for a visit and helped me work on my new china cabinet, I am finally getting over my cold, as are the children. The treadmill in my garage even thawed out and you wouldn't believe the pick-me-up I got just by getting in a short jogging session. I felt like ME again.

So what I have decided throughout all of this is...maybe I will stick with the mild winters from now on and just visit Colorado more often during the winter instead. HA!

2013 Send off....

1. What did you do in 2013 that you'd never done before?
I have never barfed my brains out as much as I did in the last year...my pregnancy with Jaden was a killer!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My 2013 resolutions were: I failed to fill out my survey last year, but my goals were leave my STRESSFUL job in the dust and make my family my priority during these little children years...SUCCESS. Don't regret my decision one bit. So much happier in accounting, what I do best. 2)Lose the baby weight. SUCCESS, took almost seven months and a ton of working out but I met that goal the Wednesday before Christmas! WHEW! I thought it was going to haunt me forever!
2014 resolutions: 1)Put my phone DOWN more when my children are around...I don't want to waste these years. 2)Take more pictures

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? I DID!!! Jaden Lynne blessed us with her presence May 30, 2013. There were tornados outside, we literally were watching the weather channel between pushing!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank you lord.

5. What countries did you visit?
Zero...not sure I even traveled anywhere except Kansas this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
SLEEP


7. What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 30, 2013 Jaden

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Jaden obviously, but losing the baby weight was a huge goal of mine.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not spending enough time with friends.


10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Just throwing up several times a day for a few months while pregnant with Jaden. No big deal...YES YES it was. It was AWFUL.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
New china cabinet.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
MY MIL who keeps my children day in and day out. Hubby who works nonstop for no apparent reason except being obsessed with making our future bright. Sister who listens to my crap morning, noon and night, and spoils me rotten.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I try and just absorb the good, ignore the bad.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Savings, rent houses, gifts

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
New baby, maternity leave!

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
We Can't Stop, RadioActive, Pontoon, Cat's in the Cradle


17. Compared to this time last year, are you:a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
Happier(honestly think I am happier than I have ever been), Thinner (oh lord am I thinner, 65+lbs), Richer...


18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Took more pictures

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Looking at my damn phone.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Usual time with family. It was wonderful.

21. Did you fall in love in 2013?
Hello no need to explain...Jaden!


22. What was your favorite TV program?
I watched a hell of a lot of House Hunters, and Income properties etc while on maternity leave. I don't watch much TV otherwise.


23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nope

24. What was the best book you read?
No reading..

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Still love me some Zac Brown band.

26. What did you want and get?
China cabinet

27. What did you want and not get?
Can't think of anything.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
I don't really watch movies...except for Bobby's.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 30...can't remember a thing about. I was enormously pregnant so I am sure we ATE.


30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
nothing...happy as a lark

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
EVERY imaginable size in my closet was utilized this year.

32. What kept you sane?
Sister, working out, my new job

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Justin Timberlake

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Don't care a bit about politics

35. Who did you miss?
Sister

36. Who was the best new person you met?
I didn't branch out much this year...

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.
My kids are growing up FAST, I have blinked and Bobby is already outgrown his baby stage. Its scary. I am going to stop feeling guilty about not putting myself first and enjoy focusing on my children while they are little. I can worry about my career and my social life when they get older (of course, I am not going to let those things GO or anything, but I am not going to feel guilty for being stingy with my weekends to be with them every second!)

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
This doesn't sum up my year...but its the lyric that I remind myself to live by daily...
"When you coming home, son I don't know when, but we'll get together then...we're going to have a good time then".
YEP and that is when I quit my stressful job and changed my priorities...

Merry Christmas!!!

A day in the Life...

A Day in the life…

Since I have a baby, my morning starts EXTRA early…Jaden usually stirs around anywhere between 2:30 -3:30am time range. I know it sounds crazy but I am not one of those momma’s that can’t wait for their babies to sleep through the night. Jade did two nights ago and I MISSED her so much by morning. I felt like we missed usually quiet time together. Not that she is really awake during any of it anyway. She stirs around by wiggling and grunting (not a big crier) and I stumble in there and change her diaper in the dim light of the hall so its not too bright, then I nurse her back to sleep and she snuggles and snoozes through the whole thing. I swear her sleepy nursing is like euphoria for her….she is just so at peace. She goes back down super easy, I rarely have trouble of her fighting back to sleep IN the night. Back to bed I go…and snuggle back into a warm toddler that has rolled into my spot on the bed.

Then the alarm goes off at 5:30AM. Robby jumps out of bed like it’s no big deal. I lay there wishing it wasn’t time to start the day. He goes in the bathroom banging around (bull in a china cabinet)so again, I mosey on into Jade’s room and nurse, change her diaper and then I tuck her in her carseat. Robby has finished getting ready, started the truck, and took all the backpacks and lunches to the car by then…and is usually waiting for me with a sleepy bobby draped over his shoulder. The second bobby hears or see’s me he immediately starts whining that he wants his mommy. I LOVE it. I grab my robe and house shoes, take that growing-way-to-big boy on my chest and we make our way out to the truck. The instant we walk outside and feel the change in air, he immediately tucks his arms inside my robe and grabs me tight. Another mommy moment I SOAK up with JOY every day. I load him up in his carseat and tuck a blanket around him like a burrito and kiss him repeatedly until he tells me to stop in an annoyed tone. To which I reply, you love my kisses, you only pretend to not like them. EVERY SINGLE DAY we do this. then I hurry around to the other side of the truck where robby has loaded Jade and I kiss her a few dozen times till Robby tells me to knock it off (she can’t fight me off herself yet) and then I move to the next window (robby’s) give him a kiss and we exchange “be careful’s, have a good days, and love you’s”. again…EVERY SINGLE DAY we do this. Then I usually run back inside and jump back in bed for a few minutes to warm back up! This morning, I was a good girl and did NOT get back in the bed, instead I slid on my tennis shoes and went straight to the tread mill in the garage to knock my run out of the way for the day. I jumped in the shower and then I sit down for makeup. I setup my breastpump next to my makeup counter so I can multi task while sitting still. I pump and get makeup done in about 15-20 mins. Then I have to blow dry my hair (5 mins) and run a straightener through it (another 5 mins). I try to quickly go put on my clothes which should take no time at all, but sometimes I don’t’ know what I am wearing and I can waste a good ten minutes doing that. I am usually pushing the clock by then and need to hurry…I run in the kitchen and wash my pump, grab a granola bar and a bottle of water and run out the door. I have to back my car out and then run inside again to open Coco’s doggie door so she can access to the garage all day (yes, gross I know but the garage is better than an accident in the house!) and then off to work I go (7AM). I have a 35 min commute and then I can start my day at work. Goal is to be there by 7:30…usually get there 7:40.

I have to pump again mid-morning, and then I usually start my lunch hour around 11:30ish give or take. I change my clothes in the office bathroom and go run the trail at the park behind our building. I try and do this every day of the week that I don’t’ have lunch plans with Tara, or have an appt ,or an longer errand that HAS to be done. I am very stingy with my lunch hours…I have a lot to cram in each day. After I run the trail I climb the stairs of the building. The days that I have run outside I do 12 sets of stairs…if its too cold outside to run I will just do the stairs 2 times for my exercise. That 72 sets of stairs. I feel like my heart is going to beat right out of my chest! BUT I STILL have a few pounds of baby weight to go so I am determined to keep after it. Then I run back down stairs change my clothes and still have a half hour to run a quick errand. I usually just need to make my daily phone calls. Call robby check on his day, call kaye and check on how the kids day is going, and call skye and chatter for the reminder of the time and head back to work. Then I head in the kitchen to heat up a frozen lunch (that I EAT every single day, don’t’ worry I am a repetitive eater so it is my preference, not my discipline). And I go back to my desk to proceed to eat the low calorie food with an oversized portion of chips (probably the reason I am still fighting the last few pounds, HA! But I can’t be perfect everywhere…if I am TOO strict on myself I will end up overeating sometime later). Then work work work, pump again mid-afternoon and then at 4:30 it’s time to go. I fight traffic on the commute again, as I make my same three phone calls on the way home. Then I change my clothes as fast as I can so that I can be ready when the kids walk in the door.

I grab Bobby and hug and kiss him like crazy until we get inside and I usually have cartoons on and ready for him when he walks in (if he falls asleep on the way home, he is usually grumpy so he can stare at the tv for a few minutes as he wakes up). I grab Jade and nurse her on the couch sitting next to Bobby and Robby goes through the mail. I put Jade down under her playmate or up on the island in her bumbo and I start dinner. About half the time robby will clean up dinner and I lay on the floor playing with the kids. I pack up Bobby clothes in his backpack and pack his lunch for the next day and we tinker some more with toys etc. If it’s a bath night for Jade, I get that ready in the kitchen sink and robby helps me bathe her…she is AWFULLY wiggly! Then lotion her up and fresh jammies, and comb her hair and fill up her humidifier for the night. We play some more and then I put her down around 8. Then if I haven’t gotten my exercise in yet for the day, the boys and I head to the garage so I can run on the treadmill, as robby does copper, and bobby plays with toys. Then its time for bobby’s bath. I still take a bath with him and its one of my favorite times a day because it’s his and I’s activity together. We have lots of boat toys and he loves playing in the water. I get him out and in fresh jammies and comb his hair and robby brushes his teeth, takes him to pee and we all get in bed. Yep, he sleeps with us. We don’t mind it at all….I can’t even imagine him not sleeping in there. We tickle and giggle till about 9 and then we turn on ONE cartoon for bobby to wind down and then its lights out anywhere between 9:30-10pm. Jade used to wake up around 11:30pm ….BUT recently she has been sleeping better so it may have just been that damn cold she had forever that was causing her trouble.

And then it all begins again…..

o

ur

As I read a blog post of one my all time favorite authors, Sundry, I found myself really stopping to think, as she often makes me do. As she reminisced about an old town she grew up in, a prior life so to say...I found myself deeply relating.

"I don’t want to go back, not really. But it’s unsettling, somehow, to have the sense that your footprints have been all but erased over the years. To wonder what it will be like to someday look back on your life as it is right now, in all its well-worn grooves, and barely recognize what you see."

I know this feeling well. The unsure feeling of wanting to step back in time, recreate pleasant memories of a prior life just to see them again, and the odd feeling of realizing you don't recognize the happiness when you are in current day. After my parents divorced, right as I moved away to college, my family home was passed around a few times between the two of them before deciding to sell it to a family friend. This very transaction haunts me to this day. Why did it have to go away? The one place that holds so much of my past, isn't there to go back too. And to happen at such a jolting time, when I was already trying to leave the nest for the first time. The idea of clinging to my parents wasn't an option, as their lives were in a stage of transition themselves... but to add insult to injury, I no longer had a safe haven called "home" left to go back to either. I don't often go back to my hometown these days, but every single time I do, I drive back by that house, trying to reach back into my old life, remember it, take comfort in it, and then do what inevitably needs done anyway...move on.

I also think this is where my obsession has always lied in the holidays, they were in my mind always the very best time of the year. The day everyone pretended that we were as fancy and well put together as it always seemed on the surface. We all dressed in our nicest clothing, the entire family went to church, always a big fancy meal...everyone was happy, or at least they pretended. So much to my husband's annoyance, I find myself trying to recreate those "happy times" over and over and extend the holiday feeling as long as possible. To him, Christmas decorating is just an annoying task that needs to be done each year to pacify me. To me, it's a window to my past happiness, its trying to fulfill the never ending hole in my soul.

What this all boils down to is MY children. Realizing how all the little things we do in our everyday lives form memories and comfort in their lives for years beyond what we realize. Not only do I want them to remember their childhood fondly, I myself ALSO want to remember their childhood as one of the most wonderful time frames of my life. I want to be able to look back and remember these years when we pretending with Santa, eating our good night snack by the glow of the Christmas tree, I want absorb it all fully...as Jillian would say...no phoning this in.

TGIF

This title has never been more appropriate...it has just been such a miserable week! Between family pictures, fall festivals at school, parent teacher conferences, and trick or treating I have had enough...and did I mention the small detail that there has been someone sick in our house everyday for at least two weeks! First Bobby with the cold, then Jade with the cold (that still will not die!) then on to this terrible ANNOYING stomach bug that refuses to leave me alone (and managed to hit every single one of our family members as well! But of course I get it the most severe). I started with it on Monday and on to Tuesday but thought I could go on living...then Weds around lunch I suddenly started feeling like everything was going down...spiraling DOWN FAST. I survived about an another hour at work before I gave in and headed home. I spend the next 17 hours in bed (other than getting up to feed the baby and making Bobby some mac&chz for dinner (how I even got that accomplished I have no idea...I guess a mother never really can stop). And I did my best to pull it together for trick or treating last night. I feel quite a bit better today...still no where near 100% but my fever, headache, and the aches are FINALLY gone! My dad emailed me this afternoon saying he saw the bug on the news and it should last five days...well today is day 5! So please god, say I will be over this by tomorrow. We still have one more halloween get together to go and I would like to actually enjoy it!

We have kind of had a rough few days...I know so much has to be due to this crazy weather. Everyone's allergies are just going CRAZY! Bobby started out with a fever last Weds night and then acted fine on ThursDAY then fever again all evening and then again better on Friday.But then the snot made its way down into this chest and a terrible cough ensued. We had a weekend full of plans, nothing major just get togethers with friends and a birthday party, but enough that I nervous every day that he wasn't 100% that we should just cancel everything. But he seems to be FEELING better. So theres the question...where is the line? Do you stop life and keep the child home to rest when you know he's trying to recover...or do resume normal activities assuming that their actions will tell the story of how they feel? I mean as long as they aren't burning a fever you have to almost move on, there is no telling how long a cough will last! On the side note though, I did let Bobby stay home from school on Monday to get some extra rest and try and complete his recovery. Jade on the other hand has been a trooper...there were a few questionable moments where I would get terrified that she was coming down with a bug also...but thank the lord above (knock on wood) so far so good. And the great news is that I think we may have finally kicked thrush! 

Eating her ba-ba at grandma's house...

So have I mentioned how hard I have been working out? The second I got the ok from the doctor at the 6 week mark from having Jade I started exercising. I ran at first but my knees were just killing me! So I switched it up to some workout DVD's. Jillian Michaels to be specific. I have stuck with it every since. I am talking working out 4 or 5 times a week. Its been alot of work but its paying off. I still mix in running at the park behind my office on my lunch hour every once in a while but for the most part I can contribute most of my weight loss to Jillian. I started back to work at a weight plateau (where my body naturally stopped losing from the baby) and since then (Aug 1st) I have lost 15 more lbs. I have an additional 10 left to get back to pre-pregnancy weight. But I am feeling close to normal these days. I do have to say though, my body is different this time of round. After Bobby it resumed normal position without much trouble. But this time I have formed some trouble spots that I have never had issues with before! Oh well, that keeps me focused...onward we go!

This weekend we have family pictures scheduled...boy this certainly can become a chore. Planning outfits, thinking up a vision, a location, a time...it has to just all fall in place. This year is especially important beacause we have our newest addition of Jaden, so the pressure is on even thicker than usual so I can hopefully get one I am happy enough with that I can order a big mantle size picture with the four of us. This tradition of family pictures is something I have kept up since Bobby was born and I am obsessed with taking one every fall to be able to look back and see our family grow. Can you imagine being to pull out all 18 Christmas cards from our children's youth and see what we looked like from year to year? I can't wait...